Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"I Want It All!"

We all have people in our lives who we love dearly and we have those in our lives who we can't stand, but tolerate. Well, what about those people in your life that you love dearly but have the most annoying habits? I'm talking about things that are difficult to change. Not the habits like leaving dirty clothes behind the bathroom door or stuffing as much garbage into the garbage can as possible before it overflows and STILL not taking it out. No. I'm talking about selfish endeavors.
I am not a selfish person, by nature. I would much rather spend $100 on my husband or kids before I'd spend it on myself. I'd like to spend it on myself, but the guilt would be too much and I'd never be able to do it. I'm also the kind of person who will do anything, within reason, to make my loved ones happy. But does wanting material things really make people happy? Does it really make them feel complete and whole? I know that when I get something new, I feel good the first time or two that I use it (or wear it) but then it loses it's fulfillment. So if everyone felt this way, do they have to buy new things every time the wholeness is gone? Boy, that would sure put me in the poorhouse!
So, tonight, I was approached with a desire from my husband and I often have a hard time saying no to him. (The kids I can say no to.) But afterward, I felt this strange sense of disappointment. I am happy that he's so excited but I wonder how long it will really last. He always mentions that he wants to do something for me in return, and I'm sure he really does, but he usually forgets. So then, should I feel resentment towards him for forgetting about me? Should I tell him no. Or in two months should I say, "Oh, by the way, you promised..."
I'm sure everyone feels differently about this issue. And I hope you don't think my husband runs over me or that he's a terrible guy, because he's the best husband and companion I could ever ask for. But sometimes I wonder if I am too unselfish and should demand more. Hmm. Just a thought. I may have to think on it some more.
I do have selfish desires, though. I want my book to do well and I want to have many others published too. I want to be able to help people. And, believe it or not, I want to look good too. I would like to have the money (and time) to spend endless amounts on myself for any given reason. (I just don't.) So what is it that makes a person want these things to the point where that's all they can think about and the person who waits until the opportunity is right? (I'm not saying I fit into either category.) Just a question I've been pondering.

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